Blasted nuts!!!!!!!!

Nuts are my arch nemesis...I cannot resist them..ok..I COULD..I just don't. I throw them in the trash, then go buy more, knowing full well that I'll end up eating 6-8 oz in a sitting..grrrr

I've not been eating well lately. Started out with sandwiches and soup and bread..more bread..lots of frapachianos, nuts..then went on a little road trip with my parents..cheesecake, bread, lots of fat, nuts, blegh...so...I step on the scale Monday morning..bam...158#!!!

This has GOT to stop!!!!! Finally started reining myself in and kept track of calories...when I don't, I let way too much sneak in!

WEDNESDAY 2/25

1: whey post cardio
2: brown rice tortilla, chicken, broccoli, fish oils
3: chicken, broccoli, apple, fish oils
4: chicken, lettuce, broccoli, olive oil
5: egg whites, onions, lettuce, low fat cheese
6: whey, blueberries, greek yogurt

1650 calories

ACTIVITY: 1 hr. total walking

Tired............

I have just been so exhausted lately..cardio has been suffering big time and I've been eating too much to try to get that energy back.

I went and did back and arms today though and got in 15 minutes of cardio

CABLE CURLS: 20#/side
VBAR PD: 81#
SKULLCRUSHERS: 35#
1 ARM DB ROW: 35#
LOW ROW: 40#
WALL CURLS: 35#
TRICEP PD: 60#
ST. ARM PD: 50#
UR REAR FLY: 8#/hand

15 min. PWO cardio

FOOD:

1: smoothie: whey, fruit, yogurt, flaxseed
2: chicken, apple, green beans, low fat cheese
3: chicken, lettuce, brussel sprouts, flaxseed oil, flax/whey/PB cookies
PRE WO: whey, banana, yogurt
4: low carb wrap, chicken, cheese, lettuce, onions, evoo, 1/2 oz nuts
5: cottage cheese/whey/ PB

Ate too much today. Should not have had the healthy cookies or the last cottage cheese meal. I have been eating when I'm not hungry and portions have been way too big! I was 149.4# today, so my big sandwich and chili the other night didn't do too much damage!

I'm going to try to get up tomorrow and do some cardio before school. I have a concert tomorrow night and I'm going to a new Dr. for an appointment tomorrow. Hopefully, they'll do some tests to find out if there's something going on with my energy levels!

Trying to find the balance....

So I had another binge yesterday..what else? Nuts! My arch nemesis!! I truly need to just cut them out..for me there is no nut moderation at the moment!! I also enjoyed a great dinner...big sandwich from Jimmy Johns on whole grain bread and some chili from Wendy's...I really wanted a big cookie too, but I resisted..lol

Worked out Chest and Back yesterday

Today was leg day..

LEG PRESS: 90#..tons of reps

HACKS: 20#

BB SPLIT SQUATS: 95#

1 LEG PRESS: 70#

LEG EXT. 55#

LEG CURLS: 75#

HYPERS: 10#

OH CRUNCHES: 12#

STANDING CALF RAISE: 75#

CARDIO: 20 min. AM walking; 15 min PWO walking

FOOD:

1: smoothie: whey, cottage cheese, flaxseed, berries
2: cottage cheese, green beans, oat/egg white muffin
3: chicken, salad, flax oil
4: bite of PB before workout
5: light frap post workout
6: low carb tortilla, veggies, egg whites, PB

Chugging along....

I had a better workout yesterday. I did shoulders and legs. My lats are SOOO sore for some reason..really painful and tender! Food has been so so. I'm holding at around 150# still. I'm headed to the rheumatologist today, so we'll see what the test results say...

WORKOUT SUNDAY 2/15

BOX SQUATS: 120#

BB SHOULDER PRESS: 50#

STEP UPS AND PRESS: 15#

LAT RAISE: 12#

REAR DELT MACHINE: 60#

BULGARIANS: 15#

UP/OUTS: 7#

AB STUFF

PWO CARDIO: 20 min. treadmill

FOOD:

1: chicken, oatmeal
PWO: light frap
2: chicken, veggie soup, whole wheat bread, avocado
3: smoothie: whey, yogurt, fruit, flax seed
4: a tahini/oat cookie..not as good as it sounds! lol

I joined weight watchers again???!!!!!

Yes, so I'm a lifetime weight watchers member and I decided to go back today. I need the support and accountability. I have also come to the conclusion that I need to probably go back on anti despression medication.

So it's Valentine's day. I made hubby a chocolate cake and he swept the house and got me flowers, which was nice. I had an ok workout today

BACK/ARMS 2

WG LAT PD: 60#

YATES ROW: 70#

DB BI CURLS: 25#

BB CURLS: 45#

OH TRI EXT. 35#

NG BENCH: 55#

OH CABLE PD: 110#

DB PULLOVERS: 40#

CARDIO: 30 min. post workout

FOOD:

1: shake: oats, whey, yogurt, berries
PWO: light frap
2: low carb wrap, chicken, avocado, lettuce, onions

Binges.....

I have a problem. I am an emotional binge eater....nuts and bread are my drugs of choice. I eat when I'm sad, happy, anxious, depressed, excited, nervous..you name it!!

This has got to stop. I've been so anxious about this lupus stuff that I'm giving myself tingles and muscle weakness...feeling weak and on edge and I KNOW it's just nerves!! I've been eating and eating just because....last night, I went out to eat and ate 1 1/2 loaves of bread!!! Along with chicken, veggies with tons of oil...today, I had TONS of cashews..wasn't even hungry. I get so depressed with feeling bloated and fat and it leads me to eat even more which doesn't make sense. I'm afraid to weigh myself.

I'm so scared that something is really wrong with my health that it's like I just don't care anymore. I don't get excited to go workout...just don't care about anything it seems...just count the minutes until I can eat again or go to bed...that's no way to live!!!

I DID make it to the gym today, but it was nothing exciting...

SMITH SPLIT SQUATS: 70#

CABLE CRUNCHES: 80#

HYPERS: 45#

RDL: 145#

INC. CRUNCHES

LEG EXTENSIONS: 50#

LEG PRESS: 200#

LEG CURLS: 70#

PLANKS

PWO CARDIO: 15 min. walking

FOOD:

1: smoothie: whey, pumpkin, fruit, flaxseed, spinach
2: egg whites, apple
3: salad, chicken, apple slices
4: oats/whey
PWO: light frap
5: tons of cashews, br. rice wrap, chicken sausage, tahini/flax oil/yogurt dressing, veggies

I ran with no toe pain!!!

So my feet have been giving me horrible issues lately. The Raynaud's has just been awful with this cold weather. Today, I wore fuzzy socks and slippers to work. I jogged today with no toe or foot pain and it was great!

I need to get rid of this anxiety. I've got to stay strong and healthy: mind and body! I feel itchy and tingly and I know it's just nerves!!

I had a good workout today: back and chest w/ a little arms

CROSS ROWS: 20# per side
BB CURLS: 45#
ST. BAR PD: 65#
TRICEP PD: 50#
DIPS: 40# assist
PULL UPS: 70# assist
SKULLCRUSHERS: 45#
INC. DB CURLS: 20s
NARROW ROWS: 45#
INC. DB PRESS: 30s
CABLE CROSSES: 50# per side

CARDIO: 15 min. post workout

FOOD:

1: smoothie: whey, tofu, fruit, almond butter
2: apple, chicken, green beans
3: spinach, chicken, flaxseed oil
4: 1/2 trioplext bar
PWO: light frap and 1/2 scoop whey
5: br. rice wrap, salad, chicken, flax oil/tahini/avocado dressing

I'm going to start going to weight watchers again with my friend: more to give her support than anything, but it will be nice to have a support group and I'd love to lose 15 or 20#!!

Mondays!!! Arghhhhhh

Today was a rough day. My students like to talk.....A LOT...I'm just not mean enough I guess. My feet were hurting a lot today too and my face is extremely dry.

So Saturday is Valentine's Day. My husband is not big on the holiday, but I'd like to maybe cook dinner together and have a little picnic or something.

Tonight is my favorite tv night: House and 24. I'm planning on walking for an hour on the treadmill before I settle in for a night of tv. I didn't eat dairy today. I'm going to see if that has any effect on my bloating.

FOOD TODAY:

1: smoothie: goat whey, light tofu, berries, spinach, flax seed
2: hard boiled egg whites, green beans, tahini, apple
3: chicken, salad, flax seed/ walnuts
4: smoothie: goat whey, pumpkin, berries, almond butter
5: chicken, veggies, squash, tahini

Diet pop is evil!!!!

I'm trying so hard to give it up..I just crave the taste of it, especially when I want to eat something. Tomorrow is a new day. I can do it!!!

I did legs today at the gym along with shoulders

DB PRESS: 25s
VUPS: no weight..abs are weak!!
HYPERS: 25#
BB SHOULDER PRESS: 50#
LAT RAISE: 12#
PLANK
FRONT RAISE: 7#
REAR PEC DEC: 50#
WALKING LUNGHES: 25s
OH SQUATS: 25#

post workout cardio: 20 min.

FOOD:

1: smoothie: whey, greek yogurt, fruit, tons of walnuts..grrrr...should never eat out of a bag!!!
2: post workout: light frap...another addiction!
3: brown rice wrap w/ chicken, veggies and flax oil
4: umm..more walnuts and some veggies
5: smoothie: whey, greek yogurt, fruit, flax seed

Tomorrow is back to work...I have a rehearsal after school and I need to do some walking. It's supposed to be pretty warm, so maybe outside!

It's about HEALTH

So I've decided to stop the obsessive ups and down with my weight and finally get to a happy place for ME...in my own timeframe, on my own terms and in a way that brings me energy, happiness and health and not just weight loss.

I have been up and down over the years...I was overweight as a child/teenager and then I became anorexic and obsessed and got down around 100#...then I found weight lifting and decided to gain back healthy weight and get strong. I gained back a little too much and have been suffering from binges..mostly on nuts and nut butter and the occasional loaf of bread :0)

I'm starting this journey at 150#. I am currently undergoing testing for lupus, so I'm really scared as to how that is going to affect my life and my health and exercising if it turns out that I have it. I will do the best I can to be healthy and happy and live life to the fullest though. I will NOT let a disease define me!

For lifting, I'm starting a program designed by a wonderful trainer, so I'll only list the exercises in random order and the highest weights. I've been having some problems with my feet, so my cardio is a little limited right now.

For diet, I am not going to be weighing food or counting calories. I have been doing that for about 5 yrs now and I'm sick of it! I"m ready to lose this weight without being obsessive. I'm loosely following precision nutrition and trying to keep starchy carbs to after workouts.

I'm really going to try to implement some nutrition strategies that are supposed to help lupus symptoms: eliminating dairy and wheat and artificial sweeteners mostly..staying away from nightshade plants like eggplant and tomatoes. I"m going to make sure to get in my fish oils and omega 3s: plenty of walnuts and flax seeds and olive oil

SATURDAY: 2/7 BACK/ARMS

STRAIGHT ARM PD: 60#

WALL CURLS: 40#

TRICEP PRESSDOWN MACHINE: 40#

VBAR PD: 80#

PREACHER CURL MACHINE: 35#

SKULLCRUSHERS: 35#

UPRIGHT DB REAR LAT RAISE: 10#/ hand

1 ARM DB ROW: 30s

LOW HAMMERSTRENGTH ROW: 50#

20 min. post workout cardio

FOOD:

1: smoothie: whey, almond milk, berries, flax seeds, spinach

2: tuna, salad, butternut squash, apple slices

3: post workout frapachiano light (starbucks)

4: chicken, brown rice wrap, salad w/ tahini/oil/yogurt dressing, mixed nuts

5: smoothie: whey, greek yogurt, berries, flax seeds, spinach